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May. 25th, 2010 05:37 pmWhy do I feel like everything is collapsing all around me? I've suddenly this week hit the "I don't want to go to work, I want to start over, oh dear god I hate being an adult". Things are about to go downhill rapidly in terms of mood, productivity, etc.
In an attempt to at least turn this into "Let's look for a damned job!", I, uhm, suck. Basically, there are a few things that are decent on Idealist, posted in the last two days, and all of them have very easy reasons to not bother applying. ("Knowledge of Arabic preferred", "2-3 years experience in a non-profit setting", you rejected me last time I applied for a job there, etc.) All the things that are not required but in this area, they'll surely find someone who fits their wants. (and I have no idea why I got rejected after the interview, and I was less than thrilled going on the interview in the first place, so I'm wary of that one.)
Nothing has actually happened; I just don't want to go on. I'm starting to wonder if two months doing make-work for the same people is my psychological limit. (and by "make work" I mean "not enough to do and nothing that is using my brain in the least".)
I don't think blaming it on not sleeping well last night is going to do any good. I know this feeling. I was a little late to work (well, later than I intended to be - I was still the first one in). Things got done v. quickly, and I think that's part of the problem. I don't do well pacing work. I do work. I get brain-fried when I don't have enough work. When I try to spread out the work, somehow things don't get done properly.
And I'm about to write myself into tears somehow, so I'm going to stop now, because this is ridiculous. I'm falling right back into "Not everyone gets to be happy in life, it's not about what you 'deserve', you're in a stable situation, why can't you just leave well enough alone with your pathetic little life that's better than other people get?" Have got to stop this.
And this is so not trolling for sympathy; I'm going to be embarrassed as hell in a few hours, I'm sure. But out is better than in, right?
In an attempt to at least turn this into "Let's look for a damned job!", I, uhm, suck. Basically, there are a few things that are decent on Idealist, posted in the last two days, and all of them have very easy reasons to not bother applying. ("Knowledge of Arabic preferred", "2-3 years experience in a non-profit setting", you rejected me last time I applied for a job there, etc.) All the things that are not required but in this area, they'll surely find someone who fits their wants. (and I have no idea why I got rejected after the interview, and I was less than thrilled going on the interview in the first place, so I'm wary of that one.)
Nothing has actually happened; I just don't want to go on. I'm starting to wonder if two months doing make-work for the same people is my psychological limit. (and by "make work" I mean "not enough to do and nothing that is using my brain in the least".)
I don't think blaming it on not sleeping well last night is going to do any good. I know this feeling. I was a little late to work (well, later than I intended to be - I was still the first one in). Things got done v. quickly, and I think that's part of the problem. I don't do well pacing work. I do work. I get brain-fried when I don't have enough work. When I try to spread out the work, somehow things don't get done properly.
And I'm about to write myself into tears somehow, so I'm going to stop now, because this is ridiculous. I'm falling right back into "Not everyone gets to be happy in life, it's not about what you 'deserve', you're in a stable situation, why can't you just leave well enough alone with your pathetic little life that's better than other people get?" Have got to stop this.
And this is so not trolling for sympathy; I'm going to be embarrassed as hell in a few hours, I'm sure. But out is better than in, right?